Apparently, I Can’t Not Share…

So, I have a YouTube channel where I upload acoustic guitar covers of songs that I like.
I admit that I am not great, I play for the fun of it and record myself if I think it’s decent enough.
Then, earlier this year, I decided to sing and dedicate a song to some of my closest friends for their birthdays. Again, I admit I am horrible at singing and I find myself pretty hard to listen to. But, it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it? 🙂

I changed the lyrics of my friend’s favourite song and sing about them instead while playing my guitar as accompaniment.
But… recently, a friend posted my video onto her Facebook account and tagged me. There, my family including my mother saw and watched.
Not only that, she spread it to my entire family via our family whatsapp group.
Thankfully I was online that time and managed to privatize the videos before everyone got to see it.

You see, these videos were not meant for people I know to watch. I know this sounds odd. You might wonder why I bother uploading if I didn’t want people to watch. I guess you could say I was afraid of criticisms. I know I’m not good, but to hear that from the people I knew would sound pretty harsh. However if the criticisms came from some random user on the web, I’d be more open and not take it too personally. That’s why I uploaded my videos and recordings but never told anyone. I wanted my videos to be found on its own by the search results of the public, and for it not to be influenced by people I knew. 

Another thing was that, if I had told people that I had uploaded videos, they’d watch it and be obligated to comment nice and sugar coated things like “Good job!”, “You play really well!”, “I didn’t know you could sing!” and “Practice makes perfect”; even though both them and I know I am far, far away from be good.

Back to this problem I’m currently having…
I privatized it but two of them managed to watch before I could do so. The other two family members was asking “What happened to the video?Why can’t I watch it?”. I ignored them cause I really wanted them to drop the topic. Then my mum even gave me a LONG lecture on how I shouldn’t have done that and instead, should have told them about the videos a long time ago. She even threatened me to show her all my videos or else she wouldn’t fetch me to work the next day. I showed her the other non-singing videos. She still doesn’t know I have more than one singing videos. 😛

The worse part?
My mum told me that one of my aunts called me pa bei (which means “stingy” in Cantonese) because I didn’t let them watch my video.
She even said, “What’s so good about it that she won’t let us watch?”
Gosh, and here I am being the total opposite.
Would it be better if I went shoving all my videos in your face to watch and expect good comments?
The birthday videos were meant for that specific friend I sang to and only her! 
Why can’t they respect that?!

On a totally unrelated topic,
I misplaced my diary and I can’t find it. 😦
I remember cleaning my room a couple of weeks ago and I must’ve placed it somewhere else.
I don’t know if I should just start another one or wait and keep looking cos that one still has space and I wanna write in it…
Btw it’s like my 4th diary book, so not all my memories are gone. Just the recent ones.


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