Must I really marry someone in my life?
What if I don’t find the one?
What if marriage isn’t a goal in my life and more of an added bonus if I do find someone?
So I’ve never been the type to be familiar in the dating scene. I’ve only ever had one boyfriend which is my current. It’s only been a couple of months, and mind you I’m twenty years old. Sure, I like guys. I’ve had plenty of crushes but they never worked out. It’s either the feeling isn’t mutual or they aren’t what I think they were once I got to know them.
Yes, I am picky. I don’t just date anyone who fancies me. I’ve turned down a couple because I just didn’t feel the same though I do like him a little. Just not enough.
About a year ago, things changed drastically at home. We had a third party involving my father. This is hard. I am even surprised I managed to type this out. One year ago when we found out, my emotion were haywire. I manage to control them so that I wouldn’t break down in public. But at home in my room at night, I cried myself to sleep. I cried on the phone with my best friend. I cried texting a couple other close friends. I cried talking to my extended relatives.
It. Was. Hard.
Plus, I am a very emotionless person when it came to heart to heart talk. Not that time. I had to take trips to the bathroom to wipe my tears.
Mostly, I would lock myself in my room, put on my headphones, and blast 30 Seconds to Mars and Skrillex in my ears. Either that or I’d re-watch Castle episodes. It helps distract me from my current state of emotion for that hour. Then I’d come back into reality in a much calmer state.
Then last weekend, I came across another case. Not directly my family, but a relative’s relative. I saw this married man having another family other than the one we all knew of. He had a young schooling kid, for God’s sake! That had me really thinking that my faith in men are diminishing more than ever. I have faith that my current boyfriend wouldn’t cheat on me but then again, I never thought my father would. You can really never tell what will happen in the future I guess.
This brings me to a question when an aunt warned me about men.
I said, “Then I won’t get married.”
She went on to say, “No, you can’t think like that. You have to get married.”
Have to get married?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage. Sure, I’d love to be married to the man I love and who loves me just as much. I’d want to have a family one day. However, I’d rather not get married than to be married to the wrong man. If I’m going to get hitched to man only for him to cheat and hurt me, no thank you.
Honestly, I have no problem about being single for the rest of my life as long as I am happy and surrounded by people I love. Of course, it can be lonely and people will judge you but that is alright with me.
I have other goals in life and I want to be happy and healthy. For me, a husband would be an added bonus.