That ticking time bomb I was talking about?
It finally exploded.
As much as I had seen this coming, I never really prepared myself. I knew it was gonna happen, yet I didn’t think it would affect me this much. In a way it hurts that I can’t seem to think about it. About him.
It may have been only a couple of months, but in that few months, we did go through a lot. Now, every time I do or see something that we once did together or talked about, it just brings me back to those good times. Then when I do see something he might be interested to know, I want to reach for my phone and tell him only to realize that I can’t do that anymore. We’re not together anymore.
He said that he hoped that we can still be friends, that we can go back to before. Honestly, I also hope we can. I like him very much, but the timing is pretty bad for me. I guess I can’t really commit to any relationships right now. Not with what’s going on at home. It’s hard. It’s hard not to think about him. I’ve just gotten used to him being around me that now I have to get used to him not being around me as a partner. I’ll still see him every weekday in campus. He in most of my classes. So, it’ll be both painful and awkward and nice being around him. I’ll either see him and think back of what we were or I’ll see him and be happy that he’s still around.
To think about it, I think this split is better for the both of us. He even said it himself. We both want different things when it comes to relationships at this point of time. He wants a dependent girl who is more open and I’m just not that kind of person right now. I’ve always been the independent person my whole life and right now, I’m a closed person. I just can’t seem to talk about my feelings.
Right now, I can’t seem to stop thinking about him.
About what we could have been, if I had just opened up a little more.
I guess what they say is true, that the first cut is the deepest.
On a happier side note,