Wishful Thinking

This has been bugging my mind for the past couple of days.

Am I am a little more mature for my age or am I just way in too over my head?

I seem to like conversing with people who are much older than I am than the people I always hang out with, which are around my age. When I say much older, I mean like more than 5 years of age, even more than 10  years of age. Sure, I like the company of my close friends that I hang out with in my university but really, I actually like the conversations I had with much older people. For example, I am involved in organizing activities in my universities so I deal with the staff working there and these people are like late twenties and even thirties, when I am barely twenty. I actually look forward to going to the office and getting my stuff there done and conversing with whoever there.

The people I hang out with are kind of… I hate to say it, but the word that describes it best is… boring. Of course, when I want to fool around and make stupid jokes, they’re the best people to go to. I love having a good laugh with them. For me, I can’t  all be about laughs and jokes. I need some reality-seriousness and work to ground me back. That’s where the ‘much older’ people come in.

Referring back to my two month internship (again), people there are my ‘serious’ side people and that’s where I believe I want to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love to have fun. I am not the depressed workaholic that doesn’t like happiness. Believe me when I say that when given the opportunity to let my hair down and do some crazy stuff, I will do it. However, in all the fun I also need the same amount of serious work to balance me out. Just like how yin needs yang and yang needs yin.
(yikes, that sounded cliche)

The reason why I keep referring my two month internship and why I treasure it so much was that I learnt so much. Not only in knowledge in that field, but of myself. I learnt that I fit in more with older people (I am sorry to call them ‘old’), and I am not all fun and jokes only.

Then there’s the part of me liking older men too.
(gosh, I sound like a girl who likes old perverted men.)
I guess it really shows in my love for Nathan Fillion. Come on, he’s 42 and I love him so goddamn much. I do not care that he is twice my age, I’d marry him. 😀

I have also met some really nice people  throughout my daily routines of life and they just happen to be ‘much older’ men. Of which, if I were to date them I’d get hateful-judging and disapproving stares although I do not mind the age. Honestly, at these times I’d sigh to myself, wishing that I were older, in their age range. Or that they were younger, in my age range.



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