Maybe I’m …?

As of right now, this is big for me. I don’t know if this is just a thing that will pass in a couple of weeks or this is truly me. I know I have always told myself that in the future, were I to find a partner in life that was the same gender that I am, I would be alright with it. I am not against the idea of being homosexual, in fact, I support it, though not right now. I told myself before that I am straight now but am open to the same gender if I do find someone worth it in the future.

Now, I think I may have spoken (to myself) too soon.

It’s not like I have anyone in the same gender that I am interested in now, but I guess it’s the idea of it. And it’s not like I look at girls (my friends and the people I see every day) and I find them attractive. No, I don’t feel that way. I’ve never had any romantic feelings for my friends who are girls and I don’t think I will.

So, why am I suddenly going through this life/identity crisis? Let’s start from the very beginning…

Short version: I started watching the TV series Arrow. The characters Sara Lance and Nyssa al-Ghul awakened something in me. I am now contemplating my life choices.

Long version: I was brought in to this fandom by a friend and she told me I would definitely enjoy watching Arrow. Boy, she couldn’t have been more right. Arrow is about Oliver Queen aka Green Arrow from DC Comics who is a masked vigilante out to watch over and save his city, Starling City with his amazing archery and combat skills. The lead actor Stephen Amell (Oliver) is super gorgeous, I mean, that body is heaven. The rest of the characters are just as interesting and the storyline of the series is just spot on. When I started this series, it was currently showing Season 3 Episode 15. So I had 61 episodes to marathon in about less than one month.

In season 2, the character Nyssa al-Ghul was introduced and she’s the other daughter of the infamous Ra’s al-Ghul which I previously know from Batman. Also, because Stana Katic voiced the daughter, Talia in the Batman: Arkham City videogame. Nyssa, from the League of Assassins came to Starling City, confronted Sara Lance (The Canary), looking like she was about to attack and kill her. Nyssa walks towards Sara slowly and the next thing you know, she pulls her in and kisses her like her life depended on it.

From then on, I was sold. Katrina Law (Nyssa) and Caity Lotz (Sara) did such an amazing job portraying a badass lesbian couple that made me think about myself twice. Seriously, I was fantasizing on what it would be like to be in that relationship. And by that I mean the Nyssara relationship, in the TV show, not real life where I am not an assassin. Man, that would be cool… League of Assassins. Can I go to Nanda Parbat please?

I guess I have a type then. With my track record of loving strong, independent women who can kick ass and still look good doing it; Stana Katic, Paget Brewster, Cote de Pablo, Daniela Ruah, Diane Neal, AJ Cook, and now Katrina Law and Caity Lotz.

Maybe it’s time to admit that I am attracted to women in a way. And that I admire these characters so much that I wanna be like them too. I guess, secretly I could be bisexual while I was somewhat denying it before. Until I find that special someone (man or woman), I guess I’m open to anything. However, I am not going to publicly stating that I could be bisexual. There’s no need for that. All I need is for me to understand and accept that. I don’t need the approval or consideration from anyone else.

5 thoughts on “Maybe I’m …?

  1. It’s always the sexy bad ass ladies that draw you in… 😉 I had such a crush on Milla Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez in Resident Evil YEARS before I ever allowed myself to even entertain the idea that I might be aesthetically or romantically drawn to women. But coming to terms with those attractions has certainly been a relief and opened me up to enjoying those characters even more.

    • Exactly. There isn’t a way where I could describe how much I love them without being regarded an obsessed weirdo. I guess it’s my turn now, to come to terms with this attraction 🙂

      • You might be interested in looking up the definitions of aesthetic and romantic attraction, if you’re hesitant to say you’re bisexual. There’s definitely attractions that are just “OH MY GOSH LOOK AT THIS PRETTY THING” or “I WANT TO DATE THIS THING” without the accompanying desire to have sex with the person, if you feel that applies to you more. I’m in the camp of “not interested in anybody or anything until I found the perfect person” so I know how that feels, too. 🙂

        But dude, no, I totally understand. You should check out Salem – lots of bad ass witchy ladies, and Lucy Lawless is going to be in the second season!

      • Took me awhile to fully understand the difference. I think I’m a little of both. Certain people I’m aesthetically attracted and certain people I’m romantically attraction (and by people I mean both women and men).
        Salem seems pretty cool to watch 😀

  2. Pingback: Looking Back | I'll Just Be Counting Stars

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