Reality Check

Every semester, in the study-break week before my final examinations, there will be a day where I sit and ponder about my life and where it is heading. Then I will start to worry my socks off about whether I will actually make it to where I want to be in the next five to ten years.

Today is that day.

I just can’t help but to feel like I’m not doing enough to make sure I get to where I want to be. I tell myself to go ahead and pick up that book to study for that exam, but then I start to think what if I fail in this exam? What will happen? Am I in the right field of study? Do I actually want to do this as my career? What if this isn’t what I’m good at? What if I’m actually good at something else but totally ignoring it?

Yes, I do love this field of study. I am very much interested in it and I want to do this. I know I’m not the best at it. I have course mates who just get it the first time they listen to it in class or understand completely just by reading the text book once. I’m not that. I need to go through it a couple of times, I need to ask them for their explanation, I need more time to study the same thing. But hey, at least I’m trying, right? I do have other interests and I also want to do that, but not as my career. I want to do those as a side hobby.

However, there is an interest in those hobbies of mine. And what if those hobbies are actually what I’m really good at and I can make a career out of it? Like, a better career than what I’m actually pursuing now.

I know this is all very vague and you have no idea what I’m talking about, this field of study and hobbies. I don’t want to go into specifics because then I will have to explain so much more. I’m keeping it general so if you can relate, we can sit and worry together. Or… we could talk about it and possibly solve this horrible day of mine I get every semester.

I guess in a way, this recurring day I get is sort of a reality check for me, a little reminder to sit and check in on whether I’m on the right path.

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